Stop punishing yourself

When I make a mistake, or fuck up in any way I would spend a long time beating myself up about it. I would be going on in my mind about why I did something like that? How could I be so stupid or so messed up? I would go really deep. It felt horrible.

So today in a conversation with myself I somehow stumbled on the subject. All of a sudden it really did dawn on me how reckless I can sometimes be with myself. It came down to me asking myself: if I did something to someone that hurt them, and then I realized I really fucked up, I apologized and did or intended to do what was right by them and then the person forgave me and we agreed to move on. How would I feel if that person then came up to me everyday to remind me how much I fucked up, every day! When they are not with me they want to chat about it, how would that make me feel? Obviously it would suck, especially if I am truly doing right by them to the best of my abilities.

The next then question was, so why the hell do I do it to myself? Why do I take it from myself? When I mess up in whatever way I would know that I messed up, I would know what to do to try and make make the best of the situation and do right by whoever I have wronged. But then I will keep on replaying what happened in my mind, I would curse myself out and all what not for a long time because how could I have done this or that?

I don’t want to do that to myself anymore, I don’t want be that person to torture myself anymore. I am realizing the value of ignoring my thoughts, just letting them drift to the background. If I have acknowledged my mistakes and done the necessary or plan to do the necessary, I do not have to keep punishing myself, I only need to focus on doing the necessary, to focus on now. No amount of me beating myself up will change what has happened all I can do is be my best in the present moment.


I have found that I am in a better frame of mind to actually do more of the things I want and love to do. I am learning that thoughts are just thoughts; “recycled memories” (Sadhguru). It is actually possible and healthy to put some distance between myself and my thoughts the way I would between me and that person who didn’t want to shut up about the past, or that person who won’t stop complaining about everything and anything. It is possible, and that’s where I am finding peace.

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