We think, we question, we talk, but when will we do?

So I am sitting here watching this show on which two black female South African celebrities are talking about women who have sugar daddies or ‘blessers’ – It pains me to describe these beautiful beings in this manner, but  I cannot deny the fact that to be understood in this world, we have to categories ourselves and others). One of the hosts had once upon a time had a sugar daddy or blesser, if you prefer, and was unpacking the blesser phenomenon together with the other. They were, as far as I could see, as I tuned into the show a little bit late, trying to paint a psychological picture of the phenomenon; how it must affect the mainly black women emotionally and mentally. They were also looking at physical impacts, and throughout the conversation, trying as hard as they could to not talk in a demeaning manner about women who practice this life style.

They were saying a lot of the things that I had said myself many times: “oppressed people don’t always know that they are being oppressed” for instance. In the middle of agreeing with them, I found myself asking instead if the existence of a show like this wasn’t an act of violence to at least some women who have chosen this lifestyle for themselves, in spite of how well phrased or well intentioned it is? Granted there are women out there who need to hear these things, but at what cost? Where do we as human beings draw the line on who becomes casualty of a cause? I obviously do not have the answer to these hard questions, but maybe you do, so do share.

Another question that popped into my mind as I watched on was, “what if the resources and man power used to pull off these shows, that continue to have conversations about the problems of the world, were directed at going into different communities to have real engagements with some of the real life people who live through these experiences? Would that not be more productive? Every day we are confronted by new TV shows or movies that appear to engage with real life issues, only these movies and shows and sometimes music are anything, but real. In real life not enough is being done. There are too many people talking behind TV screens and computer screens (I am also guilty) and not enough people doing anything to actually change the world. Not enough people are as eager to do the hard work as they are to tweet or blog or be on TV talking about our problems and failures.

We have learned how to survive by talking about our pain, but doing little to make it go away. We have built lives around talking about pain. Even when we do not benefit in any tangible sense from talking about our pain, we do it anyways because when we get those likes or shares or comments, it proves to us that we are not alone and there is comfort in that.  So much comfort that it is easy to believe that we have done all we could. What we don’t know though, is that we really didn’t do much to get us closer to finding a solution, we just talked.